Almost Everything I Wish I'd Said the Last Time I Saw You

I always liked this singer and this song. He was good on One Tree Hill and he is an amazing singer. Highly recommend it. Not many lines stay with me like this one did. I get bored or just forget with the one thousands thoughts running through my mind.

I feel like I have moments like this all the time. I tend to take after my father. I don't really say too much. I am more on the quiet side and I don't let people know how I feeling. I show who I am through my actions, but I have the moments where I wish I said or did something else. I wish I told the person what was truly on my mind. I wish I told them to stay, that I was scared, that I loved them, or anything else.

I didn't though. I let them go and think about it until I do something else stupid or until I get caught up with the many thoughts running through my mind like before.

But why? Whats the point? I know plenty of people who say what is on their minds and do whatever the want and don't feel the consequences. Many people would disagree with that statement though. They would say that even though I don't see my friends and family receive the consequences for speaking their mind in good situations or in bad, they get it.

I think I am going to try this more often though. I am going to say what comes to my mind and forget everything else. We will see how this goes.

We Might As Well Be Strangers

You ever had that one person that changed your world? This person made you feel like a completely new person. He or she made you feel like you could do anything that you wanted. But the best part about this person is that they make it feel like it is all you. They did not have one part of this new found happiness. Some people are lucky enough to keep them forever or have a numerous number of them. Some people aren't so lucky and lose them. I think I have had a couple. I have lost some and kept some. It was hard to let them go and its worse now because we are strangers. I hear some things here and there but I don't know who you are. We have lost each other and thanks to some other things , I have become completely ok with it.

Except, last night when I had a dream. In the dream, we were so happy. All that mattered was the two of us, but at the end I stopped letting myself be so happy and left. I said that this wasn't real and that we aren't the only two things that mattered.I then brought up our past and called myself an idiot for getting caught up with us from the beginning. Our past matters, our present matters, and our future matters. Some things are unforgivable. Some times hurt never goes away.

But maybe I am wrong. Maybe everything can be forgiven for love and happiness. I was kind of upset with myself today because I had a dream about us. It scared me too, because I was so happy. I am not perfect and I am definitely ok with not being perfect. I make mistakes, but I am learning. I will put everything together one day.

Weeks Go By Like Days

I am almost half way done my last semester as an undergraduate student. Real real scary. You want to be the one who gets the job. I am jealous of a friend who has a job all planned out. I know I will be ok, but the idea of not knowing what my future has ahead of me is hard. The people around me are scared that are going through it and the people who aren't don't truly understand it because they are not in the situation.

These four years have gone by really quick. I still remember that first day I moved into Drexel my freshman year. It was on my birthday and after I had to a funeral for a boy that I graduated high school with. He was completely healthy at senior week and was gone by that September. It showed me that your whole life can change in a minute, an hour, or a day.

I have worked hard these four years and also had a lot of fun. I am not coming out with the best grades and the most friends, but I loved my four years. I also know that I have grown and learned as much as I can. I will get the job and have the perfect ending. I am going to enjoy every minute of the ride though.

You Can't Always Get What You Want

Isn't that the truth? People want fast cars, large amounts of money, big houses, court side tickets, and so many more things. What does all that mean though? Do those things bring happiness? I don't think so. I think happiness is ....

Actually, I don't know.Happiness is a hard thing to define. Just like love, which is nearly impossible to define. But I think that is the point. These two words aren't supposed to have clean cut definitions. Definitions for these words are created individually by each person. That is a lot of different, but amazing definitions. Each person adds words, deletes words, adds more words, and then deletes them again to their definition; until that one day that they get it perfect.

I laugh and smile a lot, and most days I think I have nailed my own definition of happiness. Then something comes and hits me right across the head to tell me that it isn't perfect yet. I think I am close though. Love, ehhh. I'll figure that definition out someday too.